Finding Emo

I walked into Barnes and Noble dumfounded by a new section in the bookstore, Teen Paranormal Fiction.  The popularity of vampire love has skyrocketed in the last few years.  I'm having trouble grasping the appeal.  I know a little about Twilight and sparkly vampires.  Vladamir Tod seems to be the teen vamp heartthrob.  The kids I see liking this stuff are already having some issues.  They tend to be the kids on the fringe of the social hierarchy.  I'm just not convinced that reading about fantasy characters falling in love is very helpful if this is the only thing you are reading.  It seems to cause an unhealthy fascination with being very different.

I'm all for individuality but sometimes it is taken too far with all black clothes, excessive makeup, hair dye, piercings, tattoos.  And scariest of all, these seem to be the kids most likely to cut themselves.  It gets me wondering if all the blood and gore in these paranormal books and shows is doing some type of desensitizing to self-inflicted violence.  Does it encourage strangeness by supporting the idea that even the evil have some redeeming qualities?

Teaching kids to conform a little can really help them fit in.  I think individuality is a bit overrated.  In the end, your kid needs to finish as much school as possible and eventually get a job.  Don't tie one hand behind their back allowing them to be ostracized for the sake of self-expression.  Don't allow permanent changes to hair, skin, and earlobes.  While they're under your roof, require a little conformity, monitor who they are hanging with, and by all means monitor the media and books that they are downloading into their developing little hard drives.  I believe you are what you eat, and to some extent, you fantasize about what you watch, read and hear.  Keep your appetite healthy and varied.

Entitled Teens

I've seen a number of teenagers lately who are surprisingly demanding and entitled in Northwest Arkansas.   I detect a deterioration in the level of gratitude in teens among the middle class.  I think this is perpetuated by the complete absence of a basic sense of real stress and struggle.  Teens are living much of their life in an artificial bubble protected from the reality.  They are too busy rushing to the next practice, ball game, recital, dress rehearsal, extra credit session to even notice that there are other people to be concerned about.  Then they are glued to their phone, plugged into their iPod, checking who liked their status update, or killing Nazi zombies with all their cyber friends online. I've seen 8 year olds with iPhones in my office playing who-knows which version of Angry Birds.  I've seen working class families with 4 kids who each have a Nintendo 3DS.  What is going on?  Do these kids not know how to take turns, to wait for Santa, to not answer that text right now.

How can we increase the gratitude and reduce the entitlement?
Some ideas:
1.  Decreased screen time.  Demand boundaries for video games, handhelds, phones, texting.   Have family time where no one (that means you dad) is texting, checking emails.  Turn that off!
2.  Play boring old board games, yard darts, badminton
3.  Help someone less fortunate, volunteer with your kids at the animal shelter, homeless shelter
4.  Model gratitude for your kids.
5.  Underschedule.  It's good to be bored.  It's good to think without distraction.  It's good to lay in a hammock, under a tree, climb a tree, chop a tree, build a fire, roast marshmallows, tell ghost stories.
Millions of years of human evolution occurred with fire as our only light.  We had only voices, ears, eye contact and body language as our primary communication.  Relying on the hardware that nature created might help us be less addicted to the human technology that seems to be eroding families.

"VITAMIN D!" (or another reason to take fish oil)

Vitamin D is one of the most important vitamins for the brain. Low Vitamin D can present as mental health symptoms including poor attention, depression, fatigue, loss of hair (whoops, better check my level, and here I've been rubbing Rogaine on my head for 10 years). Natural sources of vitamin D are rare. Despite what you may think, milk is not a natural source. D is artificially added to milk because Americans eat like crap and most kids would get rickets without it. You can get D from going out in the sun more often and eating more fish especially salmon. If you eat crap and stay inside, take a Vitamin D supplement 2000IU per day or cod liver oil (yes it tastes bad, get over it).

Infant Mental Health

I was at a stoplight earlier. The car directly in front of me was an older model sedan with rust on the roof, expired tags and an obvious rattle. Through the back window, I could see the top of a little head of a child about 2 years old in a car seat. In the beat up car, I saw a mother in the backseat with her child, and it appeared the father was driving. The mother was leaning forward and looking into the child's eyes and smiling. The dad was occasionally turning around to smile and engage with both the mother and the child. The little family appeared to be singing and playing while stopped at the light. In this brief glimpse into this family's life, I could tell this kid was probably going to be alright for the rest of his life.

This reminded me of the importance of the emotional needs of the 0 to 3 year old population. There is no more critical time to bond with your child than the infant, toddler, and preschool years. A lack of attachment during this age can lead to profound problems in development of personality that will last a lifetime.

If you know a family with a new baby, remind them that eye contact, conversation, singing, and playing with their new baby is vastly more important than any new video or baby toy that has ever been marketed. Home should be calm, predictable, and routine. The simple interactions and connection with a small child through feeding, naps, and structure will provide all the stimulation necessary.

Razorback Aspie

This is Noah, a kid I know with Asperger's Disorder. Please take the time to watch his video. I am amazed by his bravery and self-awareness.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AyfL3cT1tQ

Internet Safety

I've had a rash of kids exposed to inappropriate web content lately. Parents must be so careful with any device that can access the internet. If a piece of hardware can't support parental control software, then I don't think kids should be using it. iPhones, iPads, PSP, Wii, XBox, PS3, and even some televisions can easily access any website. Old cell phones can still access WiFi even after the cellular plan is deactivated. Many times, an innocent search brings up inappropriate websites. All internet use should occur in a public part of the house with parental supervision. If kids can't abide by that simple rule, then they should be restricted from the internet.

Child Abuse Reporting

In the wake of the recent Penn State Abuse scandal, I feel that the breakdown occurred when responsible individuals didn't know what to do when they received information.

In Arkansas, reporting is centralized through the Arkansas State Police. The phone number is 1-800-482-5964. You will speak to an operator who will ask you questions about the suspected abuse or neglect. Your identity will be kept confidential unless a judge orders that information to be released which in most cases never happens. Even suspected cases should be called in. In most cases, the operator will generate a report and it will get checked out. Even if abuse is not occurring, these situations need to be checked out. My general opinion is that where there's smoke there's fire. If you have a question about whether something should be reported, it probably should.

Neglect is often confusing and people ask me if it should be reported, and it should. Neglect can come in many forms from not providing necessities like food and clothing, not providing appropriate medical attention, not providing adult supervision, and not requiring children attend school.